Wednesday, March 12, 2008

WARNING: Bitterness Ahead....

So I've made the trek to the RE's office 7 times in the past 10 days. I live in NYC and the RE's office is in NYC so I'm sure it doesn't seem like that big of a deal to most people. But believe me, it's a total pain in the ass. I live downtown on the West side and the doctor's office is uptown on the East side. That means either taking a $20 cab ride both to and from or walking 8 blocks to a subway across town followed by another 6 blocks to the doctor’s office. Either way, it takes about 45 minutes to get there. Add that to the fact that I have to be there between 7:00 and 8:30 am and I have to get up super early and either go straight to work at 9:00 (on a normal day, I usually roll in about 10:30 or 11:00) or go back home to waste some time before work. I know there are women who have to drive hours to their clinics so I really shouldn’t complain but it's still a hassle and I'm starting to get really tired of it.

When I got to the RE’s this morning (I took a cab there and the subway home), I realized for the first time that I recognized about 10 people in the waiting room. Not just by face, but also by name! How did I know these women who I’ve never met before? The nurses shout your name out when they're ready for you and I've been there so many times now that I've started putting the names with the faces. That's really kind of scary.

As I was wondering whether anyone there might recognize me by name too, a woman came to sign in pushing a stroller. This has to be my biggest pet peeve of all! I realize that there are a lot of women out there dealing with secondary infertility but in my opinion, there's something insensitive about bringing your child with you to an office full of people who would do anything for just one baby. Yes, babysitters and day care are expensive but there has to be some way to keep this from happening. Maybe the RE’s office should start some sort of child care center or something where women can check their children upon arrival so bitter infertiles like me don't have to be subjected to the sight of them.

I know, I know -- I'm really crusty today, but I can't help it. Some days I'm filled with hope, others I'm in deep despair but today, I seem to be stuck on angry. After almost two years of TTC, it’s hard to stay positive, and if I can’t vent here, where can I?

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