I had dinner last night with some girlfriends. During the course of the evening, I managed to suck down three margaritas and a glass of wine. I honestly cannot tell you the last time I drank so much! But since I'm hoping those will be my last alcoholic beverages for, oh, nine months or so, I might as well go out with a bang, right?
Two of my friends who were at dinner have kids so we spent a lot of time talking about them. At some point during the night, I wondered why it wasn't bothering me. I mean, for someone struggling with IF, you'd think hearing story after story about babies and toddlers would be kind of painful and I'll be honest -- there have been times when conversations like that would have sent me into a mini-depression. But last night I realized things had changed. For more than a year, I've been so focused on getting pregnant that actually having children seems completely unrelated. I know that I want a baby but the reality of what being a parent means is a whole other ballgame! Dealing with middle of the night feedings, the agony of teething and toilet training, handling fighting siblings -- I don't connect any of these things with the quest I'm on at this moment. For now, my goal is to get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby. That's the fantasy. I'll deal with the reality of what comes along with it later.
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